A Life of Sacrifice
by Darth Yuthura
Summary: A young Mandalorian fights in gladiatorial games on Sleheyron. Fearing for his loved one, even death won't allow him to escape his torment. While the Exile struggles to rebuild the Jedi Order, she takes a particular interest in this character.
1. Among the Ashes of Katarr

Fog was a strange element of nature. It obscured light, yet it is did not cast a black shadow. It was moist, yet one did not drown in it. Everything was shrouded, yet Alayna could see herself and the ground upon which she stood, but could not feel the Force flowing through any of it.

Blinded to it for nearly a decade, Alayna had learned to see through her eyes again. Although she always had her eyes, there came a time in her life when she could abandon her other senses and rely solely upon the Force. Although she found the Force again, she never forgot just how important her other senses were. Alayna would have forgotten this, but the events at Malachor V left her with nothing else.

Although she had learned to sense it again, Alayna still suffered from the trauma of the decade following the Mandalorian Wars. When she needed support from the Jedi and the High Council, they banished her to exile. For the decade that followed, she was left only with the feeling of mediocrity, anger, and betrayal.

Although she knew such thoughts poisoned her soul, Alayna felt there was nothing left of herself after that. She did learn to live without the Force, but only because she had no other choice. Although she emerged stronger because of it, Alayna was still bitter because the High Council never admitted that they wronged her. She knew those were not thoughts worthy of a Jedi, but she could not forget that they attempted to deafen her a second time.

"You're a cypher, forming bonds, leaching the life of others. Discerning their will and dominating them." Those were the words Master Vrook used to describe Alayna's friendship with so many. She couldn't understand how he came to such a conclusion... he didn't even know those people who he claimed were being controlled by her.

Those thoughts weighed heavily on her mind, but Alayna knew that whatever trauma she suffered did not compare to that of her friend's. Ever since Darth Nihlious had left his mark on her planet, Visas Marr was left alone after everyone and everything she had ever known died around her. Since he had taken her for his own, she had been damned to a life of unceasing pain under his brutal heel.

Alayna watched as that world's only survivor took her usual meditative stance upon a patch of ground not covered by duracrete. The remains of a once-great tree lay collapsed near where Visas was sitting. Walkways and roads that no one traveled upon surrounded them.

Alayna wondered what the planet that Visas had known looked liked the last time she walked upon its surface. Although they did not have eyes to see, Miralukas could still appreciate a landscape through its touch on the Force, but as it was completely absent from the planet, Visas was truly blind to everything around her.

***

Alayna was unsure of the premonitions of her former master, DarthTraya... Kreia as she was called. They greatly concerned her because she did not know whether or not to trust them. Kreia lied to her from the first moment they met and may very well have lied at her end. And even if she hadn't, it didn't mean that any future was certain. Simply knowing what was going to transpire could have changed everything.

It had been years since Alayna and Traya shared that intimate moment in the heart of Malachor V. Before dying, Traya offered Alayna a glimpse into the future... and Alayna's curiosity got the better of her.

In her premonition, Traya said Alayna was destined to follow Revan into the Outer Rim, leaving all those she loved behind to rebuild the Jedi Order. Alayna couldn't explain how or why the premonition wasn't just another lie, but she believed what the old woman told her.

Over the last few years, Alayna followed it with the expectation that she would find either Revan or evidence of any True Sith, but found nothing. As Kreia predicted, she left all she cared for behind... only Visas refused to be parted her company. Alayna honored her request and accepted the Miraluka's company.

***

Although Alayna could not see much beyond the fog that surrounded them, she almost believed it was better that the Miraluka did not feel her surroundings. The sight of every dead tree and the skeletal remains of her people would have been a terrible way to remember her home world.

Alayna walked up to one of the skeletons and was surprised for a moment why it remained so remarkably intact. Bones didn't lay like that in nature... then she remembered that there were no animals to disturb their remains. Only the forces of nature have disturbed anything.

The landscape around them was mostly obscured by the fog, but Alayna could hear the roar of falling water in the distance. Water was one of the life-giving attributes that were common on almost every habitable planet in the galaxy.

When another clearing in the fog revealed the city in front of her, Alayna was troubled at the sight of the once-magnificent buildings that didn't lay in ruin. Although she had seen ruins of many cites, none were as perplexing as those around them. Unlike the remains of Dantooine, which had been overrun by vines and wildlife, there was no other life to take the place of the people who once inhabited those structures.

Even in its heyday, the city itself was unlike most. There were no windows, no artificial lighting, and the paint was only used to protect against the elements. The predominant color of everything was gray. The cites on Katarr were built with aesthetics being almost completely absent.

She had seen many that were reduced to huge piles of rubble through warfare... the only damage to that city was caused by wind and water erosion. Although those were weak destructive forces, they were enough to weather the duracrete and oxidize metal. Even various devices throughout still functioned on what little power was still generated by the aging power plants. Nothing other than the life was destroyed in that attack. Without even so much as bacteria present, nature could never recover from the damage that had been caused over a decade ago.

Alayna could not help but wonder if Korriban had suffered a similar fate as Katarr. That planet had all the characteristics of a habitable world right down to valleys that were carved by water. The only thing missing was the water which had carved those valleys. On Katarr, there were great cities and even fertile soil, but the life was completely absent.

As the fog around her began to clear, she saw Visas in the distance on her knees meditating as she often has. Although Alayna made an effort to not listen to the thoughts of her friends, there was often background noise within the force that masked them. There was no background noise because there was no force energy surrounding them. Visas's thoughts were so clear that Alayna heard them perfectly whether she chose to or not.

"As I walk upon the ashes or Katarr, I shall not fear. For in fear lies death and remorse.

The wound in the force that has decimated Katarr has been healed. Although my journey has been long, it has purged my fear and defined my destiny. The one who had healed my wounds now seeks to heal a galaxy.

I ask for the strength I need to help her see that end. As my former master sought to leave all in darkness, my master... my friend seeks to bring harmony where chaos now dominates. I seek the means to stand with her through all she will face as she travels down her path.

If I should not see her destiny fulfilled, I ask that she not fall before I. My destiny is complete... Alayna's will forever be in front of her. I ask only that she understand why I follow her and that she not place my life before the galaxy."

Alayna was not comfortable knowing her friend believed she could heal the galaxy. She believed herself to be only a simple jedi who was given a responsibility she was not prepared for. Despite being known as the last jedi for weeks, never has Alayna felt the survival of the Order was as dire as it was then. She was afraid that she was not up to the task of restoring the Order, let alone stand up against another threat like the sith.

The Council had always been convinced there was another enemy in the Unknown Regions... Kreia had confirmed they were the 'True Sith.' She had remembered a time when she was without the Force... her life may have been simple, but her responsibilities didn't extend beyond setting a given quota of work each day. She would never have imagined she would be standing where she was.

The planet around her was little more than a great void in the Force. Since the events that took place with Darth Nihlious, the planet had since been lifeless. Only Visas... for reasons not understood... was spared the fate of the rest of her people. Her loss was great, but the pain she suffered in the five years since have made her wonder if 'spared' was the proper word for her fate.

It wasn't until she fought and was defeated by Alayna that Visas understood why she was. Alayna seemed to represent everything her former master was not. Where he represented the death of the Force, she saw hope for all life in the woman she had been ordered to kill. Visas could not bring harm to someone so great... instead, she swore her life was hers. Alayna did not like the gift she had been given, but she didn't wish to insult Visas by leaving her with a sense of abandonment. Since then, the Miraluka obeyed her friend and master. Believing in what she stood for, Visas fought by, but more often in front of Alayna, through every battle they entered.

***

Although Alayna still had her eyes to see, Visas was truly blind to everything around her. Only the glimmer of force energy that illuminated the Ebon Hawk and the radiant energy from her master were all she had to guide her. Visas stood up from her meditative stance and walked towards the only beacon she could follow.

Alayna watched as Visas tripped over a rock that was in her path. It startled both of them. Jedi did not trip just like that. Even when thrown in ways that seemed impossible to land on their feet, their mastery of the Force allowed them to do just that. To see Visas fall like that was difficult to witness, but Alayna knew what it was like to be without the Force to guide her. She rush to and offered Visas her hand.

Normally, she was so self reliant that Visas would not only have returned to her feet, but even apologize to Alayna for her clumsiness. Instead, she accepted her hand without hesitation. Alayna could feel the fear that mounted within her friend. She realized that walking among the ruins of her people and inability to sense anything around was difficult, but Alayna felt that it was important for her to finally so do.

Despite being afraid, Visas maintained her calm demeanor and faced Alayna. "How did you learn to live in such... darkness? Feeling the ground beneath us with no touch of the Force... is this what it felt to be deafened to it?"

She nodded. "It was very much like this, but I did at least have my eyes to guide me. I would have been able to see that rock and not trip over it."

"Would you please describe to me what it is that you see? What do your eyes show you?"

Alayna opened her mouth to answer her question, but then stopped as she realized she could not describe sight to one who has never known it. "I'm afraid I can't explain it. I can't explain it in a way that you could understand."

"If you could not explain what you see, then why did you bring me here? This place is nothing more than a void in the Force."

"This is your home world. Every time you meditate, you speak of the ashes of Katarr. This place is to you as Malacor was to me. Because you were there for me when I faced my past, I wanted to help you as you faced your own."

The blind Jedi faced Alayna as though she were trying to see the meaning behind those words. Visas knew that Alayna had a hidden motive, but never believed she had to ask why her master took certain measures. Despite what Alayna thought or said, she always seemed to do the right thing in the end. But Visas could not see the logic behind why she was taken to Katarr. She asked a very basic, but significant question: "Why did you bring me here? Why did you squander your time for me?"

Alayna was upset that despite all she has shown Visas, she was so selfless as to believe her feelings were irrelevant. That was to be expected from one who was forced to live for another, but Alayna hoped that she could begin to heal from the psychological scars inflicted by her old master. She held the only survivor by the shoulders and tried to reach her again. "Visas... if coming here gives you any peace, then it's worth it."

"The others needed you more than I ever did. You should have been there for them... I could have waited."

She shook her head. "You have pledged yourself to me. You always tell me your life is mine to do with as I choose. What if I chose to give that life back to you? What if I didn't want to posses another's life?" She embraced Visas. "You've been with me through so much. You protected me even when you didn't agree with the reasons I put my life in danger. I wanted to show you that you mattered... that's why I brought you here."

Visas knew Alayna was not telling her the whole truth, but she never questioned her master's intent. She also had never willingly gone against her master's wishes. Visas had ignored her own desires, but because Alayna told Visas that her feelings mattered, she made them known. "Master... Alayna... I sensed that there was another reason for why you brought me here. It was not entirely for me, was it?"

Alayna was determined never to reveal the prophecy that Traya had spoken of on Malacor. She regretted hearing Traya's prophecy because it lead her down a path she did not want to take. She had hoped to find some reason or proof for why she believed so deeply in the words of her future. But as weeks turned to months and months turned to years, the strength of Traya's words had weakened. She had found no leads to these 'True Sith,' no signs of Revan, and nothing else to suggest that the prophecy could come true.

The hidden reason Alayna came to Katarr was to fulfill another part of the prophecy... "The blinded one would walk upon the ashes of Katarr and see what she was meant to see." Since Visas didn't appear to do that, Alayna believed she deserved to know the truth. And she believed no one else could keep a secret more safe than Visas.

She tilted her head, almost to display her guilt. "No. There was another reason, but I thought it was better that it remained unknown."

"I'll respect your wishes. You have not lead any of us astray before."

Alayna turned her attention from Visas to the river that had revealed itself from behind the cover of the mist. She thought it was almost poetic that she finally saw the river that had been roaring in the distance.

It was different than she had imagined... the water was not flowing naturally, but through an artificial canal. The river likely had been channeled so that it would not disrupt the foundation of the city. Although it was effective, it looked artificial. Alayna appreciated nature, but didn't like civilization manipulate it in such ways.

She sighed with a degree of dread, but realized that the best thing she could have done was define her own path and trust in herself and her friends. She couldn't afford to allow a prophecy to dictate her fate like the canal dictated the course of that river. Although she believed she came to Katarr for Visas, Alayna soon understood that she strayed from her course by leaving her friends behind on Dantooine to rebuild the Order without her.

Despite wanting Visas to be her own person, she realized that she would not have brought her to Katarr had she had not heard Traya's prophecy. She would not have left her friends behind had it not been for the prophecy. It became clear to her that she allowed the prophecy to control her fate... Alayna knew that she could no longer go through with it.

Alayna looked back from the river, which was again shrouded by the mist, and then faced her friend. "We can stay for as long as you wish. When you are ready, we should return to Dantooine." Although she could easily have given an order, Alayna still extended the offer to show Visas that she was her friend and not her slave.

The Miraluka nodded in acknowledgment. "Then it would be prudent to leave. Your place is with your friends."

As they turned around, Alayna suddenly realized that she heard someone through the Force... very faint, but he was there. Had she been on any other planet, the background Force noise would have eclipsed it. What she felt was someone's pain, but it came from a great distance.

Visas turned around to the seemingly mesmerized Alayna. "What is it?"

She held her arm up. "Listen."

Visas tried, but the radiant Force energy projecting off Alayna didn't allow for anything that faint to be heard, even by a very skilled Force-user. "To what?"

"I sense... pain. Someone's in terrible pain." Alayna got into a meditative stance and focused all her attention to the sound she knew was intense, but coming from a great distance. Visas knew enough to remain silent, but she was very curious about why her friend became so anxious all of a sudden. Alayna had felt other's pain before, but something was particularly important about the one who was crying out in distress.

After almost a minute, Alayna went from utter concentration to giving a direct command. "To the Ebon Hawk, now!" She jumped to her feet and sprinted to the Ebon Hawk, leaving Visas behind. The Miraluka followed without question, but stumbled and tripped, hitting the ground much harder than before.

Alayna, realizing that she had left her friend behind, came to a brisk stop and rushed back for the Miraluka. By the time she had picked herself up, Alayna had gotten beside her and put her hand on her shoulder and held her by the hip. "I'm sorry. We must make haste. I'll explain to you en route."

What startled Alayna so greatly was how the voice she heard seemed familiar, but was suddenly silenced. What she heard was enough to approximate his location, but pinpointing his exact location depended upon getting closer to the source. Alayna knew that it was a desperate cry for help and she wanted to be underway as soon as possible. What she heard was like a flare that illuminated briefly in the distance of a black night. She wanted to follow that flare before it completely went out, but she didn't intend to leave Visas behind.


	2. Destined to Live

Sleheyron: three months ago

--------

Minoru Genda was not always a slave, but from birth, he had been shackled by the unbreakable chains of his bloodline. Being only half-Mandalorian, even his father wouldn't accept him. His mother, who couldn't even take care of herself, left him with a friend to raise the boy as his own.

For a decade, Genda had grown up in the loving company of an adopted father, but when war reached the skies over Telos, that life ended. Being half Mandalorian, Genda was not accepted by either side. It was only a matter of time before he was found and taken by Faso the Hutt and exploited as a gladiator.

Despite his age, Genda was every bit as strong as a full-blooded Mandalorian, but he had a talent for survival that even the most seasoned warriors lacked. From age twelve, he was thrown into an arena to face death almost every week. Against all odds, he lived through that over the last five years.

At sixteen, he had become one of the most recognized gladiators on Sleheyron, surviving over 200 separate engagements against other slaves, numerous exotic creatures, as well as many other dangers. He amazed, but did not fight to please the crowds who gathered to watch such killing games. All he cared about was walking out of the arena when the battle was over. Faso favored him for the sake of having the most seasoned gladiator on Sleheyron, but beyond that, he had been doomed to fight until he couldn't fight anymore. There was no escape except death.

-----

Even after nearly 200 past victories, Genda still had been filled with terror each time he passed through the gates of the arena in front of 100,000 spectators. That fear came from not knowing whether it was going to be his last battle or not. The deafening applause he received would have made any other slave jealous, but Genda grew to hate their cheers. To him, it meant either a more dangerous creature or that many more opponents were going to be pitted against him.

Occasionally, he had been accompanied by other slaves... all thrown into the arena for the purpose of killing one another. Genda found himself alone more and more often as his master, Faso didn't want the incompetence of others to endanger his champion. But since he had finally taken the title of 'greatest gladiator on Sleheyron,' his life served only to push the records as far as possible. The greatest number of battles, the toughest creatures killed, the overwhelming odds he was up against... Faso just wanted to see how far Genda could go before he died.

When the gate at the opposite end of the arena opened, a massive creature weighing nearly 300 kilograms had been unleashed and came charging towards Genda. Although he had never faced-off with one before, he knew a bit about the kell dragon. Their massive jaws were wide enough to swallow a Jawa whole. Any kind of injury involving those teeth would have been fatal to a standard humanoid.

Genda was armed only with a vibrosword and a tower shield in addition to his Echani fiber armour. As the massive creature came charging towards him, he retreated, not out of fear, but to encourage the Kell Dragon to charge even faster. That particular predator pounced upon their prey before they could use their jaws, especially those that ran. And that was exactly what Genda wanted the beast to do.

While running backwards, he strapped the shield on his back and held the vibrosword backhanded while he watched the kell dragon coming at an remarkable charging speed. Upon making its jump, almost ten meters away, Genda stopped where he was, turned his back, and positioned the vibrosword against the ground and his shield so that it would impale the beast as it moved helplessly through the air.

Genda braced for the impact which he knew was going to push his body to its limits. Even if it succeeded, a creature weighing three times his own weight moving at nearly 25 km/hour could have resulted in severe injuries. He planted his legs to dampen the impact as much as possible without locking any joints in place, but the impact was much harder than he expected.

As the Kell Dragon impaled itself upon the sword, the blade stayed firmly in position as the beast's own momentum opened a wound much wider than had it simply been stabbed. When it finally landed, the blade nearly split it in half from the rib cage back.

The tower shield protected him, but the sheer mass of the creature threw him forward. A huge burst of blood gushed over his neck and head as he expected, but the shield had also shifted because it was not properly strapped to his back. That actually saved his life because it protected his head from the creature as it landed upon him.

After the kell dragon slid off the shield, Genda pulled himself back, covered in blood, and found it wailing in agony in a pool of its own blood. For the audience, there came a moment of utter silence as they couldn't tell what exactly had happened. They saw the creature run over Genda, but even when it was down, they saw him covered in blood. After he stood up and stepped away, very much alive, they roared in approval.

Genda wiped the blood off his face with the his sleeve before he grabbed the shield and headed for the arena exit. Although he could have left the weapons behind, he had once been sidelined after a match was ended. Since then, he carried them out with him.

The roar of the crowd turned to the chanting of his name. "Genda! Genda! Genda!"

The first few times he heard the chanting, he grinned in utter joy at having his name echo throughout the stadium, but as the years went by, his thoughts were more of relief than triumph. 'Another week' he thought. Another week before he was going to be thrown into danger again.

-----

After dropping his weapons, Genda stripped off his armour and stood under the stream of water in a shower stall. His owner's proxy, Uva Mosk, didn't give any regards to his privacy, but Genda was used to it. "Ten seconds! That's all you were able to give them was ten seconds?!"

Genda closed his eyes as he put his head directly under the stream of hot water, trying to rinse away the blood. "If you want to complain, speak to the Kell Dragon. It was the one that impaled itself upon my sword."

Uva Mosk turned off the water and got right in front of Genda. "All you ever do is kill, kill, kill. They don't want a butcher, they want someone to entertain them. You don't do that by killing everything that comes out of that gate. They want..."

Genda grabbed Mosk by the collar and pulled him right in his face. "I don't give a damn what they want! I don't fight to entertain! If Faso has a problem with it, he's just going to have to get used to it." He threw back the twi'lek and turned the shower back on.

Uva Mosk directed his attention somewhere other than at Genda, fearing that the young gladiator could and would kill when provoked. "Well I'm responsible for you and if you don't do as you're told... I'm the one who'll pay the price. I didn't want to be put in this position, but Faso said that if you just continue doing what you have been doing... killing without a fight... people will lose interest. After that, do you think Faso would let you keep your body slave, the lavish food, and those luxurious quarters?"

Genda stared forward for a moment as he realized how much worse his life could have been. He glanced at Mosk as if to silently acknowledge the message and nodded. Uva Mosk picked up his armour so it could be cleaned off as well and then departed.

For nearly twenty minutes, Genda stood under the shower as if trying to wash away the blood of all his past victims. His body was still stained with the blood of hundreds just like him... slaves put into harm's way and killing to avoid being killed. He frequently told himself that it was either his life or theirs. If not him, then they would've been the ones with his blood on their hands. Recently, those words hadn't been holding up his spirit as once they did.

-------

After that, Genda was escorted to his private quarters, which normally housed guests, but were given to him by his master. The other gladiators were locked in cages or prison cells because they were not expected to stay for more than a few days... as their average life expectancy was less than a month.

Genda had a body slave as well. His master allowed him to choose a personal servant about a year ago when he was becoming a prominent gladiator to ease the stress of life outside the arena. Tashi was the most beautiful woman Genda had ever seen and was utterly loyal to her master's wishes. Despite being almost a decade older than him, she had fulfilled his every command since then.

At first, Tashi served little other than as a constant companion, but over the months, Genda had come to depend on her more for the years of wisdom he did not have. They had an odd relationship as he was her master, but she was a little of everything to him. Despite being totally obedient to him, she often changed his mind on certain matters, but has never committed insubordination before.

When Genda returned to their quarters, he collapsed in one of the chairs, exhausted from the battle. Even after five years, each fight was just as stressful to him as the one before... he never grew comfortable or used to fighting for his life every week. Since achieving the title of 'best gladiator,' life had become more difficult after each fight.

He soon felt her hand rubbing against his right shoulder and he nestled it in his. Just her touch seemed to give him great comfort and a means to smile without reason. He turned his head and was pleasantly surprised at what he saw. Tashi was wearing the gold bikini he liked so much. It surprised him because he knew that she found it very uncomfortable. Although she would have worn it upon his command, he gave her the liberty to wear whatever she wanted. It had been months since he saw it on her.

After a moment of staring, he moved his eyes from her breasts to her face and gestured to the outfit. "What's this?"

"You said this was your favorite, Master Genda. I thought it would cheer you up."

He scoffed. "But you hate it."

She shrugged her shoulders. "If it makes you happy, then it's worth it. Besides, it's going to come off soon enough anyway."

He sighed nervously. "Tashi, may I ask you a question?"

She grinned. "Of course, sir."

He sighed again and waited a moment to ask. "Do you find it difficult to do your duty?"

She gave him a confused look and then thought very intensely about the question. Not quite in complete honesty, she confidently replied. "For you, never."

"Are you telling me the truth, or are you telling me what I want to hear?" He asked.

She looked deep into his eyes as if there were a puzzle of which to unwrap before she could give a more literal answer. "Sometimes, we do what we want to. The rest of the time... we do what we have to."

"You're not answering my question." He gestured to her outfit. "Did you... want to put this on? Did you... want to do everything I've commanded of you since our first meeting?"

She did not want to answer the question factually, but she gave an honest reply. "You didn't command me to wear this. Surely that means something."

He shook his head. "Is there not one thing I've demanded of you that you wouldn't have done had I not asked it?"

Tashi glanced down at the bikini she was clad in when she had been given to Genda almost a year ago. It reminded her much of her last master, she knew that she hated wearing it, but wanted to put it on for Genda. That left her wondering if it were just an extension of her duty to please her present master, or if she genuinely did it entirely of her own free will. The thought made her uneasy as to how much was expected from her compared to what she had actually given since being with Genda. "Sir, neither of us have control of our lives. You answer to your own master. I answer to you."

He sighed and leaned his head back, still not satisfied with that.

She scoffed. "Sir, what do you want me to say? If you have something you want of me, just ask. You need not worry about hurting my feelings."

"Well I do." He turned to face her, but noticed her stomach was bulging ever so slightly, but enough to be recognized. As he stared at her for that long moment, Tashi waited anxiously for his reaction. When he looked up and smiled, she chuckled and rubbed her belly. "You're pregnant." He said factually.

She smiled bashfully. "You have a son or a daughter. He's growing inside me now."

Genda stood up so quickly that he put too much strain on a back muscle that he had injured with the kell dragon. He dropped to a knee and held his backside, groaning in pain.

Tashi came to his side and rubbed the area he had been holding. "Oh... what have they done to you?"

"I'm alright. It's just a muscle, not a critical organ."

She pulled his shirt off to reveal the various bruises and scars from past injuries, many of which she had treated, and pressed against the flesh to determine the kind of injury he sustained. "You've got a bad knot in the muscles here. What happened?"

"A kell dragon. It landed on top of me."

She helped him to his feet. "Oh god. I can't imagine how scary that must have been. You are so brave."

"I'm not brave. I just did what I had to."

She helped him to the bed and gently set him face-down. After she started massaging the knotted muscles, Tashi asked "Is that helping?"

"Yes. Thank-you." He extended his left hand to hold her wrist as she kept rubbing his back. She had acquired a wide knowledge of treating wounds over the last year as Genda taught her how to diagnose and assist with his injuries.

As she tended to him, Tashi thought about the question he had asked earlier; she knew that she wasn't acting out of a sense of obligation. "I never did answer your question."

"What?"

"Why I serve you... the truth is that I'm humbled by you."

He lifted his head to look at her apologetically. "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about. You're the best gladiator on Sleheyron and I was just a lowly servant before you took me. Now I'm recognized as Genda's servant."

He rolled himself on his back to face Tashi directly. "Why would I matter?"

She crossed her arms and smiled. "You're a very kind master. Your name protects me from the guards. I eat as well as you do. I would do anything to please you for all that."

He sighed. "So are you saying that all those times that we...?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "You were a kid. I knew you wanted me for that purpose. It's what I expected."

After a moment of silence, he sat up. "You were more than that."

She gave him a vague smile. "I know."

He nodded and let his head rest against the wall behind him. Tashi went to the other side of the bed and Genda moved aside to give her room to lay next to him. She and he sat with their backs against the wall, both scantly-clad, and waited for the other to speak.

Genda stared at Tashi's belly for a long moment as he tried to contemplate how their future had changed. Her knees had been in the way, but when she saw he was looking, she moved them to give him an unobstructed view. While he was apparently very anxious, she looked and acted very cheerful. He seemed ashamed. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" She asked.

"For forcing this... child upon you."

She frowned. "I thought you'd be happy. I wish it had come sooner."

"I'm not going to be there with you! Someday, I'm not going to come back when I enter that arena. What do you think will happen after that?" He buried his head in his hands. "Tashi, I don't want anything to happen to you. I don't know what Faso will do with you after I'm dead."

She wrapped her arms around Genda. "I'll be fine. You just concentrate on your own life. You don't need to worry about me."

"How can't I?!" He screamed. He held her much closer. "I need to know that you're going to be alright. I have to ensure that you and the child will be safe. I can't bear the thought of you ending up in Faso's service...!"

Tashi brushed his hands off and stood up. "Get a hold of yourself! You're whining about something that's beyond your control! You can't free me, only your master can do that! And if he learns that I'm carrying your child, do you think he would just free me? He would sell me off for a premium... do you think I'd be bought by a kinder master than you? Do you think I would like that?"

He lowered his head. "No."

She sat back on the bed and tried to comfort Genda. "Look, I'm very touched that you care what will happen to me, but it is not within your power to decide my fate. I can't leave these quarters and you can't give me that... can you?"

He buried his head in his hands again. "Surely there's... something."

She rubbed his back where the knot was. He didn't react, but the area was still painful. "There is one thing... fight to stay alive for as long as possible. As long as you're alive, you have control."

He leaned against the wall and sighed again. A moment after that, he forced out a chuckle. "God. It feels like a lifetime ago... it's only been five years. I never would have believed I'd end up here... I have so much, yet I have nothing..."

Tashi thought to mention that she'd been a slave all her life, but felt that she didn't have the right to compare herself to him. She knew that her life was never at risk, let alone put in danger like Genda's. She knew he was stronger than he seemed, but had been constantly in fear of his life. Although she had much more labor and loyalty demanded from her than him, Tashi at least had a means of staying safe and alive so long as she did what was required. Genda had no such option because other slaves were pitted to kill or be killed.

Almost out of pity, she rolled on her side and held him in her arms. "Forget about that. It doesn't matter."

"Please. This is not the best time to..."

She kissed him. "It is always a time like this. There never is an after. Things don't miraculously change and get better, and the universe never stops to accommodate us. All any of us has is now, so unless you're an utter fool you should use it how you can."

"You have a future..."

"Don't say that word again. Neither of us can worry about tomorrow. Do you know why?" She whispered into his ear. "What we do here and now makes no difference tomorrow. People like us don't have a later... all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." She took his hand and put it on her belly. "This child I carry... he likely will never know his father. When he's born, he will be taken from us and sold. We won't see him grow up." She embraced Genda. "There will be a day when you don't come back to me. When you're gone, I'll be sold to another, less considerate master. Do you think I'm ignorant to all that?"

He shook his head.

"Do you think I look forward to that future?"

He stared at her, silently saying no.

"Then how do you think I get by? How do you think I can get by without losing my sanity?"

"How do you know you still have it?"

She exhaled in disgust and rolled off the bed to leave. "If you're going to be childish about this, then I won't..."

"No! I didn't mean it that way!" He stretched out to grab her by the arm, but hurt his backside again.

When he fell back on the bed, she turned around and rubbed the area again. "Then how did you mean it? I guess you're right. I must be if I keep tending to you... that I keep trying to help you when you just keep pushing me away."

He gently held her wrist again. "I didn't mean it like that. I don't even know if I, myself, am still sane."

She sat down next to him, who was still laying face-down on the bed. "Of course you still are. You can't just free yourself from life's problems by losing your mind. If you had, nothing would matter anyway. Might as well assume you've still got your mind." She rolled Genda on his back and crawled on top of him. "You've still got me... and I've got you." After he closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her, Tashi kissed him and held her mouth over his for as long as he would let her.

"You know that this is a mistake? I'm not long for this world."

"I'd rather cry for you after you're dead than until then." She unstrapped her bikini top.

He held the piece where it was. "Stop it. I told you that your body belongs to you."

She brushed his hand away and pulled off the top, revealing her breasts. "I don't know if you've noticed, but I hate this bikini and want to take it off. You want me, but are too afraid to ask, so I'll just give it to you anyway. If you're going to die soon, then you might as well use the time that is given to you."

Genda would have pulled himself away had he not already been pinned down. "Please... stop this!"

She moved her head right next to his ear. "Just let yourself go. Faso gave me to you in order to keep you happy. Since you don't know what you want, I'll do this again and again until you learn to relax."

"Alright, now I know you're insane."

Tashi looked at him, almost on the verge of crying. She didn't like seeing Genda so miserable from day to day. Living with him for a year had been hard because his brooding reflected upon her. She was desperate for him to be able to smile or at least stop complaining about his impending death. "Yes, I'm insane. Just shut up and enjoy this."

He was intimidated by what Tashi was doing. Although she never objected when he had seduced her, Genda was more afraid of her advances than he was of the kell dragon's. "Please!"

She whispered into his ear. "All the times you asked me to spread my legs... if you want to get rid of me, you'll need to call the guards. There is nothing other than us. Just trust me."

Genda was mortified at how Tashi had just thrown herself at him. In that moment, he got a better understanding of what it must have been like for her the first several times he seduced her. When she asked him to trust her, it was an almost implicit trust. Despite his reservations, Genda followed through as she had with him a year ago. He reached around her waist and unfastened the bottom piece of her outfit... soon everything else was swept away.

---------

Genda had been more terrified throughout their experience than he ever was in the face of an armed opponent. Tashi wanted him to get his mind off his impending death by having all his attention on her and it worked... to an extent. Genda kept expecting her to pull out a knife or something that would have explained why she just threw herself at him, but nothing was made apparent. Despite his injury, Genda just endured the pain and treated the act of pleasure as if it were a battle.

When it was over, he stared at Tashi on the opposite side of the bed, still expecting to see that knife. Despite knowing Genda was far from relaxed, Tashi just closed her eyes and embraced him. "Tell me... what are you thinking right now?"

He didn't answer.

"That wasn't a rhetorical question."

He looked into her eyes, almost appalled. "I'm sorry if I'm that dense, but I don't know what you wanted of me just now."

She moved back to her side of the bed and crossed her arms. "Alright... you weren't as fortunate as me to be born a slave. It's always difficult for one such as you to adapt to a completely different kind of life." She faced him. "I wasn't aware that you've never completely adjusted."

"What does that have to do with... us?"

She chuckled. "If I had known, I would have taught you a long time ago, but recently... you started talking about things that a slave shouldn't be thinking."

"What things?"

"Just a while ago, you were on the verge of panic. You started worrying about what will happen to me after you die, you couldn't make decisions for yourself, as well as shutting me out... in short: you were taking the weight of matters that you have no control over."

"You told me you were pregnant. How was I supposed to react?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I thought you would've been happy, knowing your bloodline would endure."

"That wasn't what really was on my mind at the time. I know that you were pregnant before, but you had an abortion."

She sat up in surprise. "How did you...?"

"The guard told me... the one who gave you what you needed to terminate the pregnancy. He thought I deserved to know."

She stared somewhere away blankly. "I didn't want a child with you."

"I know. I understand why you did it. I just would have preferred I heard it from you."

She nodded her head. "It was your child. I didn't have the right. I knew it, but I defied you and killed what was inside me without your permission. I have no excuse."

He tilted his head to one side. "You don't have to justify what you did. You had the right to your own body... I just wish you didn't feel you had to go behind my back to do it." Genda put his hand on her belly. "If you don't want this child, it is your right to terminate the pregnancy. You don't need my permission."

She turned her head away and started crying.

"What's wrong?"

She paused a long moment before facing him again. "You're so kind. I don't deserve mercy for what I've done."

"Stop crying. You have nothing to be sorry for."

She shook her head. "When I was first given to you, I just assumed you were going to die soon enough... I didn't want to get attached to a walking corpse. It happened within a month of when we were first intimate. At the time, I hated what you had planted in my uterus. I was glad to get rid of it... I didn't care what you thought about it then."

He nodded. "I had abused you far too much. For that, I'm sorry."

She leaned her head back, tears still pouring from her eyes. "There had come a point when you started asking me and only got intimate with my consent. Then you changed; you came to respect my feelings, you asked less and less from me, you gave me as much freedom as I've ever had." She smiled almost painfully. "You showed that you really cared for me. And as the months passed, I regretted what I did more and more. But at the same time, I kept expecting that you were going to die... I didn't know whether it was better or not."

He sighed. "You didn't want to become too attached to a walking corpse?"

She shook her head. "If I had not terminated that first pregnancy, you could have seen your child... that is something I deprived of you... it's something I deprived of myself."

He rubbed the side of her face and then pulled the blanket away so he could see her belly. Tashi put his hand there as she smiled hopefully.

Genda smiled in great joy at what she and he would eventually share. "I guess that it will give me more reason to come back alive." He chuckled nervously. "How far along are you?"

"About a month."

Genda thought of his chances of surviving long enough to see his son or daughter and came to realize they weren't good. Over the years, the gladiatorial matches he was pitted against got increasingly harder and were already pushing him to the limits of his abilities. If the child were born in another seven months, he would've had to survive another 28 battles. Compared to the over 200 he's gone through, it wouldn't have seemed like much, but it meant he HAD to beat every single opponent he was up against... opponents fighting for their lives equally hard.

As his mind wandered off, Tashi was there to bring his attention back on the moment.


End file.
